ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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