you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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