I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize