ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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