We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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