im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
