Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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