I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
