he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
