the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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