So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
