So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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