apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
as a side note pls kill me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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