I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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