As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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