she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
