he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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