Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
