i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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