drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
