He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
