This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
