who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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