my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
