RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
