i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
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Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
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That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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