you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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