Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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