she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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