She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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