Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
