i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
