I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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