nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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