So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
