Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
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SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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