his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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