Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
