What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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