I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
