I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm like, not good at living.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
