Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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