Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
