So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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