I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
