dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
