Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
