Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
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My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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