Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance