I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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