Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My ATM looks so different sober.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
