Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
