So drunk its hurt
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
