is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
