Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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