sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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