New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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