i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In America we eat man semen.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
