Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Everything about him screamed your future.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
