ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
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