the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
