loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
