I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
what day is it and did you see me today?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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