remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
