Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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