Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
