i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
