Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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