its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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