Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

you want me

(978): View more from Massachusetts

i'd rather choke on a dick.

Fav 3 1373 1995
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(805): View more from California

You guys coming?

(1-805): View more from California

We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure

Fav 4 2098 676
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(303): View more from Colorado

dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here

Fav 15 5477 722
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(847): View more from Illinois

My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

Fav 31 1573 6966
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(917): View more from New York City

she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in

Fav 12 3655 1494
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(704): View more from North Carolina

It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.

Fav 8 4297 1334
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.

(1-414): View more from Wisconsin

That is like, the point of shorts

Fav 5 1747 1159
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(316): View more from Kansas

I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.

Fav 3 98 27
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(407): View more from Florida

this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks

Fav 0 97 16
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