I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
