He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
