There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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